


Creatures of the Devil

by Lys ap Adin (lysapadin)



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Humor, M/M, possible fangirl japanese
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-03-17
Updated: 2000-03-16
Packaged: 2017-10-03 20:57:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lysapadin/pseuds/Lys%20ap%20Adin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are some things even Gundam pilots can't abide.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Duo

**Author's Note:**

> Painfully old fic, reposted for the sake of archiving it.

Heero sat bolt upright in bed as a shriek of sheer terror echoed through the apartment, reaching for his gun. Within moments Duo, a blur of chestnut hair, wild violet eyes, and pale limbs, streaked out of the bathroom, hurling himself into Heero's arms.

Heero stared down at his shaking lover, confused. "Nani?" he asked.

"It was horrible," Duo whimpered, trying to hide his face in Heero's shoulder. "It's huge, and nasty, and it tried to eat me!"

Heero blinked. "Duo, what the hell are you talking about?"

"It was the monster spider from hell... go kill it for me," Duo pleaded.

Heero restrained his laughter carefully. "It's only a bug, baka."

Duo shook his head violently. "Not this one... It's *huge*, Heero... at least this big." He demonstrated a circumference of a dinner plate with his hands. "And it was hairy, and black... go kill it!"

*How do I get stuck doing these things?* Heero wondered, getting up and grabbing a sneaker. Thus armed, he braved the bathroom and the spider from hell within.

A few moments later, he stuck his head back out of the door... "Duo, I don't *see* a spider."

"It's definitely there," Duo told him. "It's probably hiding so that it can jump out and kill you."

Heero rolled his eyes. "Baka." He resumed his search... and found nothing. "Duo, are you sure you saw a spider?"

"You think I'm lying?" Duo asked indignantly. Goaded by stung pride, he left the bed. Hiding behind Heero, he cautiously poked his head around his lover's shoulder and pointed. "See? There it is! Kill it!"

Heero followed the accusing finger... and saw a tiny, fuzzy black spider hiding in the corner behind the toilet. "I still can't believe you're scared of spiders," he muttered, moving in for the kill.


	2. Heero

It should have been a simple, relaxing day. There were no missions, the sun was shining, and--miracle of miracles--Duo had persuaded his lover to embark upon a picnic to the local park. Heero, with his typical thoroughness, had even packed the picnic basket with a red and white checked table cloth and those round wicker plate holders that keep paper plates from blowing away. All seemed right with the world...

Duo, having gorged himself on sandwiches, potato salad, and cookies, stretched out on the grass under a shade tree with a happy smile. "Now seems like a good time for nap, ne, Hee-chan?"

Heero eyed the lean, braided figure. "Hn. Yes. Save your energy."

One violet eye cracked open and glinted mischievously. "Oh? Am I going to need it later?"

"Yep."

"In that case... wake me up later." Within moments, soft snores were issuing from slightly parted lips.

Heero smirked slightly at his dozing lover, and then looked around. There wasn't much to do with Duo being asleep... The park was very pretty... wooded, green, mostly empty... Heero settled himself against the trunk of the tree, planning on just enjoying the tranquillity of nature while Duo napped.

Then he saw it.

   


* * *

  
 

"Shit!" Duo sat bolt upright, instinctively rolling to his feet and reaching for his gun as the sound of gunfire interrupted his nap. He scanned the area for danger, but only saw Heero, whose eyes were slightly wilder than usual. In his lover's hands was the gun that had woke him. "Heero, what the *hell* is the matter with you?" Duo demanded.

Wordlessly, Heero gestured with the gun.

Duo followed the indicated path... and saw a few shreds of *something* lying in the grass a few feet away. Confused, he investigated more closely... with a little concentration, he could almost make out the form of the formerly living creature. Duo made a face, and picked up with his index finger and his thumb the remnants of a snaky tail. "Think you used enough bullets?"

"No. I ran out."

Duo shook his head. "Whatever, Heero." He tossed the shredded snake away.

"I. Hate. Snakes."

Duo chuckled. Who'd have ever thought that the Perfect Soldier would have such an inane weakness?

"Oh, shut up, Spider-boy."


	3. Quatre

Getting up early, Quatre decided that he'd take advantage of having uncontested access to the one bathroom to have a long, hot bath. Given that there was only a limited amount of hot water available, they had mutually agreed that no one should take long showers or baths--for the sake of everyone else. However, since it was so early, the water would have plenty of time to warm up before anyone else staggered into the bathroom.

He made a face at the state of the bathroom. Five teenagers, no matter how mature they are in other respects, cannot share the same space for long without a mess accruing. Stepping over Duo's clunky shoes and kicking Heero's first aid kit behind the commode, Quatre cleared a space among Trowa's bottles of hair spray, mousse, and extra-hold hair gel to set down his own bathing accessories. Then he moved to the tub to take down Wufei's laundry (which, apparently, had to be done by hand and allowed to drip dry). He was holding the pole that Wufei had stretched across the top of the bathtub in his hands when he saw It.

"Kyaahhhh!"

   


* * *

  
 

It was the scream that woke them up, but the numerous hollow thuds that followed it immediately had Duo and Heero looking at each other and mouthing, "What the hell?" Untangling themselves from the sheets and each other, they grabbed their guns and raced down the hall to the bathroom. If the fact that they were two competent terrorists with guns didn't stop any would-be attackers, then the fact that they were two very naked terrorists would at least give them pause.

Trowa was already in the bathroom, staring at Quatre with a sleepy, befuddled expression.

Duo snorted. Quatre was standing over the tub with a pole, slamming it down repeatedly on--something. The blond was muttering to himself, words that sounded suspiciously like death threats and triumphant little chuckles, and the glitter in his eyes was part glee, part malice, and part insanity.

"What the hell's going on here?" Wufei, left out in the hall, asked.

Quatre turned away from the bathtub, holding his weapon at the ready. "There was a cricket in the bathtub," he explained. "But I killed it."

"You made all that noise over a cricket?" Heero asked.

Quatre nodded. "Of course. I hate 'em." He paused. "I didn't mean to wake you guys up. Sorry."

"Whatever... I'm going back to bed. And for God's sake, Maxwell, Yuy, put some clothes on before you go running around the safehouse!" Wufei stalked back to his bedroom, muttering darkly.

Duo glanced slyly at Heero. "I dunno, now that I'm awake, I don't know that I could get back to sleep."

"Hn. Me neither. C'mon." Heero grabbed Duo's braid and pulled him back to their bedroom.

And that left Quatre and Trowa. Quatre grinned at Trowa, leaning the pole against the wall. "How about you, are you going to go back to bed?"

Trowa yawned. "Maybe, why?"

Quatre smirked as he cleaned the goo that had been a cricket out of the tub. "I dunno, I was just wondering if you'd like to take a bath with me. Just in case there are more crickets around, you know."

Trowa smiled faintly. "Of course."

Quatre smiled at him. "Shut the door, Trowa, and come here."

And Trowa complied.


	4. Trowa

Quatre's head jerked sharply up from the book he was reading for class as he sensed a great wave of distress emanating from his roommate. "Trowa?" he exclaimed, getting out of his seat and padding through the apartment in search of his lover.

Trowa stumbled out of the bathroom, face screwed up in an expression of disgust. At least, that's how Quatre classified it... anyone else would have been hard-put to even discern that the unibanged pilot was feeling any emotion out of the ordinary.

"Ne, Trowa, what's wrong?" For good measure, Quatre felt it necessary to slip an arm around Trowa's waist in order to snuggle a little.

Trowa said nothing, merely shaking his head in distaste.

Now Quatre was curious. "What? Did Duo forget to clean out the shower drain again?"

Trowa winced. "No..."

"Wufei didn't rinse the sink out after brushing his teeth?"

A silent shake of the head, no.

"Uh..." Quatre racked his brain, pondering. "Heero used your razor again?"

Again, no.

Quatre smacked his forehead. "Don't tell me I forgot to grab toilet paper while I was at the store."

" ...no. We have plenty of that."

Quatre heaved an exasperated sigh. "Then what?"

" ...a cockroach ran out from beneath the baseboard and over my bare foot." Trowa shivered. "I *hate* cockroaches."

Quatre cringed. "Oh, yuck... I'll have to pick up some more bug killer, Duo was shrieking about spiders yesterday." He paused, speculatively. "Roaches, huh?"

Trowa nodded. "They're *nasty*."

Quatre grinned. "Well, no *wonder* you don't like Dorothy." He squeezed Trowa a little tighter. "Don't worry, koi, I'll keep you safe... ne, how about I take your mind off the creepy-crawlies for a while, hm?"

"...that would be acceptable."

Quatre beamed. "Oh, good, I hadn't wanted to do my homework anyway." And he dragged Trowa off to the bedroom.


	5. Wufei

It was a more or less peaceful day in a more or less average safehouse. Duo would have preferred a more upscale residence, but a terrorist on the run had to take what he could get. At least this one was pretty much bug-free: Heero and Quatre had seen to that. Although the memory of Quatre going after the crickets and roaches with a can of Raid in one hand, a big shoe in the other, and a ZERO system glitter in his eyes was a rather scary one. Ultimately, though, he and Trowa had agreed that it was nice to have lovers so dedicated to maintaining a pest-free environment.

Wufei had just laughed loudly at them all, muttering briefly about weaknesses before settling into his room to do whatever it was he did in his spare time (Duo suspected he didn't really want to know too many of the details).

Considering Wufei, Duo frowned slightly. It really wasn't fair. There weren't any creepy-crawlies that made Wufei cringe. Not that he hadn't tried... Wufei had found, on several occasions, rubber snakes, rubber spiders, and assortments of other nasty things in his bed, in his gundam, waiting for him in his tea canister... The most extreme reaction Duo had ever seen was a grunt, eventually followed up by a counter-prank.

It was most disheartening.

~Doesn't he have _any_ phobias?~ Duo thought woefully, finishing the construction of a messy sandwich and wandering out of the kitchen, leaving a crumb trail behind him.

Watching him go, a pair of beady eyes blinked, whiskers twitching in anticipation of the feast.

   


* * *

  
 

Entering the kitchen, Trowa frowned slightly. Had he just seen a mouse?

He shrugged to himself, noting that they'd have to do a better job of keeping food stored, and went about his business.

   


* * *

  
 

Duo paused, holding a handful of cookies. There, in the corner... that was a mouse. He held very still for a long moment, considering what to do next. Mice were not his most favored of roommates (that honor went to a certain laconic Japanese pilot), but...

~It looks so hungry...~

Furtively, Duo broke off part of a cookie and dropped it on the floor. "Oops," he said absently, wandering out of the kitchen again.

Behind him, he heard the skittering of tiny feet across linoleum.

Duo smiled.

   


* * *

  
 

Trowa shook his head, sweeping up the crumbs on the floor. ~I've got to have a talk to everyone else about their habits.~ He stared at tiny pair of eyes watching him from a hole in the baseboard. "No buffet for you today."

   


* * *

  
 

Duo looked around secretively, before crouching and extending his hand, which was full of crumbs. "Come on," he whispered. "I won't hurt you, I promise."

The beady eyes stared back at him defiantly.

"Well, maybe not today." Duo left the crumbs and retreated, lingering in the door to watch.

Slowly, keeping a wary eye on Duo, the mouse (looking more and more well-fed every time Duo saw it) advanced to the crumbs.

   


* * *

  
 

Trowa stifled a groan. ~It gets fatter every time I see it.~ He considered the mouse for a moment, noting its self-satisfied appearance. ~Bolder, too.~

"Fine, you win. Just stay out of my animal crackers."

The mouse squeaked at him, and Trowa frowned. ~Is it laughing at me?~

   


* * *

  
 

" ...and *that*, my friends, is why dragons have tails," Quatre finished.

Duo stared at Quatre. "Man, and you people tell me *my* jokes are weird." He shrugged. "Pass me a slice of the pizza."

Heero handed him the box.

"Maxwell, don't hog all the pepperoni," Wufei grumbled.

"There's plenty for everyone," Trowa said.

From the shadows, the mouse watched the proceedings. Its pet was in the kitchen, and it had food.

A set of whiskers twitched. Its pet wasn't alone... but, maybe if it was very sneaky, the mouse could get some food anyway. Besides, the stray pet wasn't too hostile, if one didn't count the way it always wasted perfectly good crumbs.

Decision made, the mouse began creeping toward its pet. Carefully... carefully... almost there... It could smell the waiting smorgasbord...

"KYYYYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH~! A mouse!" Wufei shrieked, blurring into motion as he scrambled to stand on his chair. "KILLITKILLITKILLIT!"

The mouse squeaked in terror, freezing as its pet yelped. "NO! Ack! Wufei, put the gun away! Wufei!"

Heero and Quatre, befuddled, stared at each other, Wufei, who was gesticulating wildly, and Duo, who was trying to catch a very fat, sleek mouse. "What the...?" Heero mouthed. Quatre shrugged.

"KILL IT, MAXWELL!" Wufei bellowed.

"NO! I haven't been feeding it just so you can kill it!" Duo yelled back, finally managing to scoop the rodent up.

"So *you're* the one who's been leaving the crumbs all over the place." Trowa crossed his arms. "Do you have any idea how many times I've swept this kitchen because of you?"

Wufei looked like he was ready to explode. "You've been *feeding* that monster? Maxwell, have you no honor?"

Quatre intervened. "Wufei, why didn't you *say* you were afraid of mice?"

Wufei howled with fury. "KISAMA~! I'm not afraid of mice!"

Heero snorted. "Then why don't you come down from that chair?"

"Not until that filthy vermin is removed from my presence. The rat needs to go too."

Duo chuckled evilly. "Wu-chan, he just wants to be your friend..." He thrust the mouse in Wufei's face. "Say hi to Uncle Wufei, Whiskers."

Wufei screeched, fell backward off the chair in his efforts to escape, and scrambled out the door with the remains of his dignity in smoking ruins.

Duo laughed wickedly.

Quatre shook his head mournfully. "Duo, I hate to tell you this, but you're going to hell."

"Yeah, but I'm going to have a good time along the way. Ne, Heero, you want a pet mouse, right?"

Heero blinked. "..."

"Great, I knew you'd agree! Now, let's just go find a cage for Whiskers..." Duo wandered away happily, muttering plans to his new pet.

His lover sighed. "Just as long as Wufei doesn't decide to get a pet snake to protect him from the rodent."


End file.
